(n.) (v. phr) “to repair with gold”
About ten years ago, I came across a Japanese art form known as “kintsukuroi.” This technique involves mending broken ceramic pottery or glass with lacquer dusted or mixed with gold powder. The term “kintsukuroi” literally means “to join with gold.”
Japanese aesthetics values marks of wear from the use of an object. This can be seen as a rationale for keeping an object around even after it has broken; it can also be understood as a justification of kintsukuroi itself, highlighting cracks and repairs as events in the life of an object, rather than allowing its service to end at the time of its damage or breakage. ~Wikipedia
Do you understand what the Japanese value? “Marks of wear,” in everything I had known, were to be concealed. Whether these marks were visible or not, I was instructed to make sure they remained unseen and unspoken of.
To provide some context, if you’re acquainted with my blog and have read the post titled “It’s one thing to decide to climb a mountain…”, you would have some insight into my past. If you haven’t, I’ll give a brief overview, though I recommend reading that post for a deeper understanding. It will be linked to this one. I was raised in a home where abuse was present. I was sexually abused by my dad from age five to eighteen. My mother was fully aware of the situation. Since then, I have been healed and have discovered freedom. The post I mentioned provides extensive details; I encourage you to read it.
…and understanding that the piece [of broken pottery], is more beautiful for having been broken…
Let’s dissect this (pun not intended). Envision the bowl depicted above as intact. It holds value not just for its utility, but also for its vibrant colors and aesthetic appeal. Then, one day, it’s dropped by accident, or perhaps it was intentional. In a fit of anger, someone hurls it against the wall. Or maybe, without any clear reason, it’s deliberately smashed; no explanation given. Many would consider this bowl to be unusable and without value, leaving no choice but to discard it.
The idea of seeing those broken pieces as fixable and even beautiful was not just alien to me, but also seemed unrealistic. However, let me rephrase; that used to be my stance.
Throughout my extensive years of healing, the phrase “I am making gold” repeatedly surfaced. While it seems insignificant to others, for me, it represented a promise from G-d. After each memory was healed, I found myself pleading for an answer to the question, “Why did all these things happen to me?”
To clarify, I would “hear” or “know” that phrase in my heart, deep within my soul. I was certain that G-d was communicating with me. Yet, it was perplexing. I sought a tangible answer, not a riddle. It seemed like yet another thing I had to wait to comprehend.
I persevered in healing, with each memory, week by week, month by month, and year over year. Yet, I had no comprehension of what “I am making gold” signified. That is, until one day, I encountered a certain picture.
You call it an “aha” moment; it was as if a veil had been lifted, and suddenly, I grasped the meaning of “I am making gold.” Here’s my realization: I am that bowl, intentionally broken, smashed, hurt, wronged, destroyed… by those who were meant to love, care for, protect, and guard me. Despite being shattered, I was being reconstructed. And akin to the art technique, it was with a special gold lacquer. My “marks of wear” and “scars of abuse” weren’t meant to be concealed indefinitely. I have been “put back together” to become not just beautiful, but even more so.
lac·quer
[ˈlakər]
- n. a liquid made of shellac dissolved in alcohol, or of synthetic substances, that dries to form a hard protective coating for wood, metal, etc.:
- n. modern techniques, lacquer means a range of clear or pigmented coatings that dry by solvent evaporation to produce a hard, durable finish
Since the age of five, I have been trying to protect myself. The only method I knew was to suppress the pain and suffering. Naturally, what a five-year-old could understand about such things? I wasn’t aware that I was doing it, but it occurred, nonetheless. At 32, the years of repressing and concealing the abuse and its associated trauma started to surface.
That was the moment when the healing truly started. Now, I envision myself adorned with hundreds of vibrant gold marks; they cover me, spread over my heart and deeply embedded within my soul. The workings of G-d are indeed fascinating.
So, if you have been broken, even shattered, like me, do not consider yourself useless. Do not think that you should be discarded. You are not just beautiful, but even more so than before.
“As always”: I’m eager to hear your views on “More beautiful…” and your personal experience. Feel free to leave a comment, send an email or reach out to me on Facebook. If you find this blog enjoyable, please LIKE, SHARE, & SUBSCRIBE.
I appreciate you taking time to visit and share a moment with me. Until next time, see you then!
-Wordpress icon will take you to my blog post: “It’s one thing to decide to climb a mountain…”
Through the LENS: a perspective of heart... 
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